I have had a pretty full summer and writing has been the last thing on my mind. Actually, it has been on my mind, it’s simply been at the bottom of my priority list.
I really do feel there will be a time when I will be able to sit and write about what June and July have been like for the Hamrick Family but that time is not now.
I know many disapprove of vagueness that leaves the reader wondering what’s going on but as of now, I’m not at liberty to share details. I do, however treasure transparency and want to avoid the impression that I share only the highlights of our lives to make things look perfect. I hate the idea of making others think that our world is perfect and that we have no struggles so I’ll share that our June and July make 2020 look like a highlight reel. This has been the hardest two months of my life and someday I’ll share why and publicly give the glory to God for His healing and provision. In the moment, I’ll share now that we are daily giving God glory for His presence and comfort, for His promise to be with us and never leave us. For His promise that there is nothing on this earth we can experience that He himself doesn’t understand personally. Do those promises erase my pain? Nope. I always assume Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego felt absolutely nothing while in the fiery furnace… SURROUNDED BY FLAMES and yet not impacted by the heat.
That is not my experience. I FEEL THE HEAT AND THE FLAMES and I don’t always see the fourth Person beside me, though I trust fully that He’s right here. I sometimes have to force my mind to remember that He is.
I will assure you that we have a great community of believers praying for us as we walk through this tough time and we are not trying to do this alone. I will also assure you that what we are dealing with is not a marriage issue or a sin issue with any of the Hamricks, nor is it a work issue for Matt.
As soon as I’m able to write freely about what we’re going through I will and you will understand why I am keeping this mostly private, but one thing God has been working on me is remaining present in my life and doing things I love, for those I love.
One of those things is journaling our story and we’ve had some great moments in the past few months in spite of the hard. So… here I am. Writing. Something I’ve been avoiding because I hate sitting here writing about the good and not the hard, making it look like our world is perfect. Doing that makes me feel hypocritical.
Having said what I’ve written above, though, gives me the permission to go on and share with you the lovely things we’ve seen and done, knowing I’ve been truthful with you. And that truth is, I’d go back and re-live 2020 a hundred times over if I could fix what 2021 has become for our family. There’s the hard, ugly truth.
And now I can move on to other truths for our family, those that I eagerly want to focus on and remember.
For those who are praying, you can just pray, “Father I join the Hamricks in prayer for their situation.” He knows. I appreciate your prayers and believe they are effective and powerful and maybe, just maybe, my putting this here will allow you to be a part of seeing a major prayer answered. We, those of us praying diligently and fervently, are asking God to let this be something that someday helps others… that this time of hurting isn’t wasted at all. That this time isn’t stolen from us but is really just a season of preparation and that we’ll genuinely be thankful for it on the other side. I’m ready to be on the other side.
I’M DESPERATE TO BE ON THE OTHER SIDE…
If you are on Spotify you can follow the playlist that I have playing constantly in our home. There are so many songs that are speaking to me right now and having these on repeat has been wonderful.