A Mother’s Day in boxes.
And that’s fitting, really. I remember a few Mother’s Days in the past where I had my feelings hurt by my family because things just weren’t easy. Or right. My husband has has to work on every Mother’s Day I’ve been a mom. That means I’ve always had to get the kids ready for church by myself, get them there, sign them into classes, etc. And there were a few years when all I needed was a little break and that wasn’t anywhere in the plan.
I specifically remember a time in our Ferry Road house when I had three toddlers and all I needed was a nap. This was the beyond-tired that gets down into the bones. It was before “self-care” was all the rage and LONG before Matt’s education in mental health… had we been aware of these things we could have verbalized what was going on and made a plan to make things better, but instead, we just pushed through. I thought there must be something wrong me with for not being over-the-moon happy on Mother’s Day.
I had always wanted to be a mom. I had always wanted four kids… we were at three at that point. We knew we weren’t done having kids but another was not on the horizon any time soon. So there I was, living my dream, dog-tired and angry on Mother’s Day.
I wish, at this point in the story I had some huge revelation to offer, some quick-fix for not feeling just the right way on Mother’s Day. I never found it. (Though I do remember one Mother’s Day phone call with Anna (our Anna-girl’s name-sake and my longest-best-friend) – she had had the crappiest Mother’s Day ever that year, too. It was a relief knowing I wasn’t alone and could commiserate with another woman who LOVES her kids fiercely, whose husband is wonderful and caring. Having great kids and a great husband, and LOVING them fiercely, doesn’t mean things aren’t sometimes pretty crappy.
So. I sit here on Mother’s Day in isolation; amidst boxes.
- No church to attend.
- No hugs to give fellow women who pour into others, be they mothers or not.
- I fall quite short of being a Proverbs 31 woman.
- I live far away from my mom and Matt’s. (You two set the bar very high…)
- I’m unable to love on my two sisters-in-love who rock this mommy-thing AND work full time (Ashley and Erin… you are AMAZING!!)!
- And I’m unable to visit Anna’s other mommy, knowing we’ll miss the birth of her fourth child due in June. (Hi Mama Kim!!)
There’s plenty to make this the worst Mother’s Day ever.
But I don’t feel that way! Interesting, right? I believe my perspective on Mother’s Day has changed drastically and I now feel that Mother’s Day is FOR my kids to honor me in their way, for my husband to honor me in his way, and for me to honor the mothers around me. There are other ways (and much better times) for me to get my own cup filled. That “self-care” I mentioned earlier… that mental health I talked about? I no longer expect those to be the goal of Mother’s Day.
Today I will help Matt live-stream ChapelNext Stuttgart and then will continue to prep our house. The movers came Friday and will be back tomorrow and Tuesday. (No self-care going on until they leave, that’s for sure!) If the morning worship time gets rained out, our neighborhood will gather at the soccer field for a worship time this afternoon and if so, I’ll be there to worship, socially-distanced, of course.
Someone gave me two puzzles yesterday and I will be putting those together during the weeks we’re in this house without our stuff, living on temporary furniture. Matt and I have figured out a way for me to “get away” while still being home and, though it’s only worked out twice in the past two weeks, I felt refreshed BOTH TIMES!
So… today is Mother’s Day in boxes and we’re socially isolated… but I’m thankful that my perspective has changed over the years. Today I think of my neighbor who is missing her mom. Today is the first Mother’s Day since she passed. And I think of Wanda Cooper, Ahmaud Arbery’s mom… she has to live through this day without her son. Other moms who have lost children come to mind… All of those women give me perspective.
No bow on this one, either. I’m okay with that. I’m feeling just peachy today, but I want YOU to know that if you aren’t feeling it, that’s okay. No need for a bow, even if it’s Mother’s Day.