A good cry…

I just spent a hour in the basement crying over school work.

I am not a super sentimental homeschooling mama and we don’t do arts and crafts, so what I kept over the 13 years of Hayden’s educational career was bare-bones. All his math books, all his writing samples, and some science.

Just adding this picture into this post brings tears. People, this is hard.

We are facing Hayden’s 7th move and we are always over our allotted weight allowance. He graduated while we were here in Germany and he’s half-way through his General Studies Associates degree so I guess it’s safe to discard his handwriting booklets, first attempts at spelling, and the papers he wrote along the way.

But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

I actually feel it’s pretty impressive that I had all 13 years condensed into a single Rubbermaid tote… but that tote was heavy. And he’s not going to want that stuff.

Here’s the bulk of what is being tossed. This photo and the one above this one.

It’s doing nothing but taking up space and adding weight to our shipment. Getting rid of it won’t make the memories of our time together fade. I took plenty of pictures throughout the years and while in the basement deciding what to keep and what to toss I took pictures of things that were particularly adorable. (That’s what I keep telling myself, anyway.)

I said that I had a good cry. Let me tell you… tears fell continuously for quite some time. I started homeschooling Hayden in South Carolina. Then we did school in Colorado, Wiesbaden, South Carolina again, Texas, and he finished up in Stuttgart. When he graduated in May I created a blog post that highlighted his educational career, and looking back through those pictures had me tearing up all over again.

This is the only item I kept, with about three pages torn out of other books that were too precious to toss. We used this book daily for the first two years of Hayden’s school career.

The Saturday after we received our surprise orders we purged the table we have had since 2007… all four boys did Kindergarten on it, and Hayden did school at that table until his 10th grade year. It broke my heart to purge that but there really is no reason to tote it around the world. I loved sitting around that table eating dinner, seeing evidence of their earliest handwriting attempts, their first signatures, and one (intentional?) “Carson was here” etching.

I promised them that the picture with the table was just for me… so I cropped them out to honor my word.
2017 – An outside teacher grading Hayden’s research paper.

I rarely find it difficult to put my feelings into words but this has me a bit stumped.

I feel like I’m literally throwing away a huge chunk of my career, time with my son, and evidence of all of our hard work and I have three more boxes to go through – one each for Carson, Bailey, and Parker, but my tender heart can only take so much in one day.

(I haven’t been able to make myself actually discard of this stuff. The pile is still on the floor and the stack is still on that coffee table in the basement. I think I need to have some sort of ceremony with the kids… roast marshmallows in the fire pit letting them ceremoniously toss in old papers? Yes, I do think I could come to terms with that.)

About Jennifer

"Yes, they're all mine." The answer to the question I hear most often.
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3 Responses to A good cry…

  1. Jesska says:

    How come you had enough weight allowance to get all the paperwork and furniture and whatever to Stuttgart but not for the next move?

  2. Pingback: Freeze… An unusual PCS state of mind thanks to COVID. | thehamricks

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