As an adoptive mom I can sometimes feel a pinch of defensiveness when I read words like this. I want to say, “Yeah, but not us.”
We truly do welcome Anna and her whole story to our table. We talk about her first-parents, we have their pictures on our walls. We talk about her other siblings. Ask her how many mommies she has and she’ll tell you, “Two. Mommy and Mama Kim.”
Reading Anne Heffron’s complex thoughts make me want to share to her words with my own world so that more adoptive parents will examine their beliefs/perspectives/attitudes regarding the way they interact with their children… really investigate what messages they are sending, even inadvertently. I also hope this helps people choose open adoption when it’s a possibility… I pray that one day open adoption is the default.
Adoptees grow up with a complex set of feelings regarding their stories and those feelings should also be welcome at the table. When I feel that annoying pinch of defensiveness I am drawn to look more deeply at how I’m raising my daughter and whether I am doing everything in my power to give her space to be who she is… she is NOT like our other kids… she is ANNA. She comes with a set of traits that are not Hyatt/Hamrick… they’re from her other parents. Those traits are welcome at our table. Those traits bring a whole new set of dynamics and it is my job to welcome them, not try to conform them to the Hyatt/Hamrick way.
Just some thoughts that were too complex to be a quick “share” on Facebook or Instagram.