I can’t sing.

That isn’t me being modest. I really can’t sing.

I admit here and now that I have, my whole life, taken for granted that I could sing. I come from a family of amazingly talented singers and, while I’ve never wanted to sing solos or perform using my voice, I have always loved being in choirs and praise teams.

I have especially loved singing to my babies. One random afternoon in November as I was standing in my office area swaying Anna and singing to her, I heard another voice in the house… Anna and I were alone and so this voice scared me. I froze in place and within seconds I realized that the voice I had heard was my own… but it wasn’t really mine.

My voice cracked and only air came out when I hit any note in the upper half of my register. When it did it the second time my blood froze and I literally felt a shock run through my body to the ends of my fingers and toes. This really scared me.

At a routine appointment I mentioned this and, because I was just weeks away from an overseas move, she and I decided to try a three month antacid to rule that out as a cause rather than see an ENT in Texas.

Since then I haven’t been able to sing any notes above my speaking voice. Think about that: Christmas songs. Nursery songs. Praise and Worship every Sunday. I haven’t been able to use half of my voice.

This may seem so trivial and I guess it really is, in light of what could be, but singing is a part of who I am and I miss it. My physician here referred me to an ENT who stuck a scope up my nose and videoed/photographed my vocal cords.

The results were mostly conclusive:

  1. My vocal cords don’t close all the way and;
  2. I have a cork-screw, sideways-lying blood vessel on the left side;
  3. There were no polyps nor were there any signs of tumors.

The doctor isn’t sure if the blood vessel is causing the cords to not close and therefore make my voice disappear, or if something else caused the vessel and the loss of my voice. Tomorrow morning I go to the hospital for them to kill that vessel. I will be under general anesthesia and hope to be home by lunch time. I then have to go to 6-8 weeks of vocal therapy before I return to the ENT for another fun scope to check on the healing of that vocal cord.

One further possibility is 6-8 weeks of total vocal rest. If this is prescribed it’ll have to be once we finish our school semester because I literally read aloud- or speak to my kids in some fashion for four solid hours in the morning, plus any further discussion we have throughout the day. I must finish this school year out! We are currently on week 30 of 36… we must finish!

So, with that said, your prayers are appreciated. Oh! This is interesting. Tomorrow at 9:00 Bailey gets his cast off and, Carson gets his changed out (hopefully to a walking boot). Their cast changes (and all of our hospital experiences) are at the same hospital I’m having surgery. So they’ll go in with us early and just do school in the cafe once they’re done with their appointments. Convenient!


About Jennifer

"Yes, they're all mine." The answer to the question I hear most often.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized, weight/health. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to I can’t sing.

  1. Vickie Henson says:

    Asking God to restore your voice to sing His praises!

  2. Pingback: Six white chairs | thehamricks

  3. Pingback: Running in Stuttgart | thehamricks

  4. Pingback: A Teacher’s Summer | thehamricks

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s