August 18th

This day last year (2015) was an incredibly special one for me.

It is always tied to the sadness that followed five days later, but had the events that occurred on August 18th not happened, I am not sure if we would have Anna in our arms.

Last year on this date I attended a PWOC Facilitator’s training meeting at a chapel just a short distance from my house.  One of our vehicles was in the shop so Matt dropped me off.

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The meeting was great and Mr. Bill (in my opinion, the real-live Mr. Whitaker from Adventures in Odyssey) was our guest speaker.  He challenged us to increase our prayer life and he gave each of us a magnet board to put on our fridge.  He challenged us to keep those  things we wanted to pray for right in front of our faces.

During that meeting I held baby Evelyn.  She was so small and sweet, smelled so good.  And she was wearing pink.  Oh, how I’ve longed to have a girl.  I love my boys.  I love being a boy-mom.  I wouldn’t change a single thing about being mom to these four boys and even before we had Anna, I said the same thing.  “I always wanted a girl but I wouldn’t change that I’m mom to these four for anything in the world.”

Holding Evelyn sparked in me that desire once again.  Our friend, Caron, took a picture and sent it to Matt and me with a simple phrase:  “Pink looks good on Jennifer :-).”

Matt responded in a way that I thought he was being sarcastic since I was wearing a pink shirt and I called him out on it.  His response was breathtaking.  I showed it to Evelyn’s mom in a way that a middle school girl would have shown a friend a note from a boy who may or may not have indicated that he “liked” her.  I was hopeful but scared to get my heart broken if he didn’t mean what I thought he meant.

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When he picked me up from the meeting he told me that the Lord had been putting adoption in front of him frequently over the past few weeks and he thought it was time we started looking into adoption (again).

I could barely contain my excitement!  I went straight home and before I meant for it to, the words slipped out of my mouth, “Boys… how would you feel if we adopted a girl?”

No hesitation.  They were all in favor.  We told them to keep it quiet for a while and on our way to dinner to celebrate, Parker asked if we were going to get our sister right then.  That sort of broke my heart because I knew were in for quite a wait.

We talked over all the exciting things we may be in store for and called the grandparents to let them know.

On the way home Parker asked me if I’d forgive him if he accidentally told his buddy, Samuel.  I realized that “keeping it quiet” wasn’t going to work.  When we got home I walked down to Samuel’s house and shared the exciting news with Samuel’s mom. Over the next little bit I shared it with a few close friends and they began praying for us.

Here is the pink magnet Mr. Bill gave out that day and what we wrote on it:

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This still hangs on our fridge but I will say that much of it has wiped off!

If you’ve read our story you know that before a week had passed we were devastated that it didn’t seem at all feasible to adopt and I found myself sitting in the same back yard bawling to my friends that we were having to put it out of our hearts… unless God brought a little girl to our door.

My friends grieved with me.  I felt bad in a way that I had bought them along on this emotional roller-coaster.  I sent an email to a few friends explaining our hearts and shared a bit of it on our “announcement blog post.” My friend, Kari, who had sent me a dozen or so emails to help get me started in the research, wrote me back and tried to convince me that she really felt we were supposed to do this and to keep my chin up.  I read that email but it didn’t hold much hope for me.

My family began the grieving process and the process of telling the kids, “pray, but be content with our family as is.”  It was hard when Parker would occasionally ask when we were getting our sister.

Our God had so much in store for us that I couldn’t even imagine how wonderful.  I remember this day last year as a day of sheer excitement and hope.  It’s tinged with the pain I know happened a few days later, but on this side of the journey, with Anna’s adoption finalized 18 days ago, I am in awe at how BIG our God is and how much he has blessed us.

Our sister is the perfect one for us.  God knew… God knew.

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About Jennifer

"Yes, they're all mine." The answer to the question I hear most often.
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