Adoption musings… (and an update)

I have so many thoughts running through my head regarding adoption that there is simply no way a single blog post can contain them.

I thought I might list a few of them and see where my list takes me. When I write, I am able to work through my thoughts better because I’m required to put those thoughts into sentences that make sense, and that could make sense to someone who happened to read those sentences.

In these thoughts, I do not claim to know what other adoptive parents feel.  Adoption is very situation-specific, and the following thoughts are geared toward ours.

  • Waiting for this adoption to take place is similar to waiting to go into labor only with this I have to rely on a birth mother to tell me she’s in labor and then I have to get myself across the country to try to be there in time.
  • Waiting for this adoption to take place is different because I’m not with the child at all times.  When I was pregnant, I had the moment-by-moment reassurance that the baby was doing well (I could literally feel his presence).  During this experience I wait for a daily note from the mama letting me know that all is well.
  • Waiting for this adoption to take place is similar to waiting for labor and delivery in that there are no absolutes.  Even when carrying a child I had the knowledge that there are times when a mother leaves the hospital without her child.  The chances of that, in my previous pregnancies were very slim.  I had healthy labors, deliveries, and babies.  In this situation, there is no way to put a figure on the chances of bringing baby home.  Not only do we have the health issues to consider (all is well, as of right now) we have a precious birth mother who has a decision to make.  Sure, she’s made it.  She’s determined that this is what’s best for her child.  I’m confident that she won’t change her mind… more confident than Matt is, but that’s because I speak with her daily.  Ultimately, there are no absolutes until after it’s taken place.  There’s no avoiding that.
  • Adoption has two sides:  the pretty side that you see in videos on Facebook.  (Have you seen the one where the children got adoption papers for Christmas!?!  Wow!  Amazing!)  So heartwarming and these are true stories.  But I recently read an article by an adult who was adopted as a child and her thoughts were that people shouldn’t forget that the reason adoption is necessary is because there is a sad or difficult backstory.  My heart breaks for the difficulties our birth mother is facing, and I want it to be known that we are not ignoring that.  On this blog, in this space, I am focusing my writing on our story.  Our side of the story is that the Hamrick Family is hoping to bring home our long-awaited daughter.  I am painfully aware that our story is different from our birth mother’s.  She is a strong woman who will overcome her challenges, but she is going to have a very difficult road ahead of her.  As we celebrate the joyous occasion that we are expecting to occur, please do not think for a single moment that we are discounting her pain or even the challenges every adopted child faces.  It is our goal for adoption to be part of Anna’s story but not what defines her.
  • Adoption is on the hearts of so many people.  I can’t even keep track of how many people in our lives have said, “We’ve talked about adopting for years…”  That makes me so happy!  I can’t wait to watch their families when the time is right for them to welcome a child into their homes.
  • If Anna turns out to be a boy, then we’ll repaint the nursery and select a different name.  It’s been known to happen!  I just thought I’d throw that out there!

Those are some of the thoughts running through my mind right now.

As for an update, we had a fantastic Christmas and I updated our YouCaring Website with the following information.  A teeny-tiny bit of new information follows so if you read this already, scroll to the bottom for the newest info:

_JEN8037

Posted on December 27, 2015 by Jennifer Hamrick

Merry Christmas!

We had a great Christmas spending an amazing three restful days together.

Our birth mother gave me a Christmas gift:  She offered to let me cut the cord!  I don’t expect to be in the room during the delivery so for her to offer this gift… amazing!  I went weak in the knees and tried to restrain my excitement.  What a gift!

Anna got her first gift from Daddy:  A Little People Belle and Friends set!  (There’s a story behind Belle, but that’s for my blog*.  You, here, don’t really need to know all of that!)

We’re under a month!  Baby is due in 26 days and I’m getting anxious to get to Virginia so that I don’t miss the delivery.  (As I said, I won’t be in the room, but I will be waiting until mama calls me in to meet my daughter!)  My original plan was to leave in 22 days but I’m working an angle to try to leave a little earlier.  Arriving only a couple of days before the due date has me a little nervous.

Regarding the fundraiser, we have 46 days left. 🙂  We are 86% to our goal, and only $211 from having the Interstate Compact covered. “The Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC) is statutory law in all 50 states and U.S. territories.  Before a child born in one state can be taken to another state for the purpose of adoption, both the state where the child was born and the state where the child is going, must give approval.  Every state has a special office to deal with the ICPC.  The ICPC applies in all domestic US adoptions, both private and agency.”

In other news, Parker, our five year old, may have a broken foot.  He jumped off a trampoline and had X-rays done on Wednesday.  They were closed on Thursday and Friday, and obviously over the weekend.  I guess we’ll hear on Monday if it’s actually fractured.  He’s gotten pretty good at crawling around.  If you look at our last “Christmas as a family of six” picture, you’ll see that Matt’s holding Parker with a wrapped foot.

Oh, and because this is all-important in the world we live in, we saw Star Wars yesterday.

And as of today, December 29th, 2015:

Our house is no longer decorated for Christmas.  Parker was incredibly sad about that and attempted to hug the tree as we removed the ornaments.  His foot has still not been diagnosed as we have not heard from the doctor.

Stats:  Anna is due in 22 days, I’ve decided to leave in 14 days, we are only $11 away from having the Interstate Compact paid for, which puts us at 88% toward our goal.

*About Belle:  Matt has called me “Beauty” for many years, and Beauty and the Beast is my favorite movie.  Matt buys little “Belles” for me on a regular basis and I have a collection of them.  Anna now has her own Belle.   (Be still my heart!)

Here is a neat way God is working on multiple fronts simultaneously:

As I mentioned in my YouCaring update, I’ve been itching to leave a little earlier than my original date of Jan 16.

Matt and I have talked about it and I spoke with Kari about it. We came to a tentative decision for me to leave on Tuesday the 12th, arrive at Kari’s on that Friday, and stay with her family until our house is available on the 18th.

Then, two nights ago it hit me: Kari has cats!

I’m allergic to cats and my face would swell shut if I stayed with her.

So, I thought about driving from here on the 12th but staying with my parents until one of two things happen: Mama goes into labor or we reach the 18th, when the house we are renting is available.

I figured it’d be fine with my parents, but I hadn’t asked… then my mom called. Before I even let her tell me why she was calling (except to check on Parker’s foot) I presented my plan. She told me that she and my brother had already come up with that very plan and that’s why she was calling me.

That puts me only 5.5 hours away from our little girl should mama go into labor! If this happens before the 18th, I’ll leave the boys with my parents and head there alone.  They’d bring the boys soon after.  (Matt is going to fly out on the 20th if Anna hasn’t come, and he’ll fly last minute should she decide to come earlier.)

God is so good to work out all the details!

Did you catch that?!?  I leave two weeks from today!!!!  AHH!

About Jennifer

"Yes, they're all mine." The answer to the question I hear most often.
This entry was posted in adoption, family, friends, travel and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Adoption musings… (and an update)

  1. Sonya Dobbins says:

    Hi!

    I’m a friend of Chris and Ashea Griffin, and she told me about your blog! I am also an adoptive mom of 3. I love following your story, so exciting! I did want to call your attention to one thing: it is recommended to refer to your future daughter’s mom as an “expectant mom” instead of a birth mom. She will not be a birth mom until AFTER she places the baby with you. There is a lot of pushback out there on the Internet, just wanted you to avoid being on the receiving end if the wrong person finds your blog! Best wishes! Praying for a great outcome on your journey!

    Sonya

    Sent from my iPad

    >

    • Jennifer says:

      Nice to meet you, Sonya! Thank you for the hint in terminology. I am more than happy to learn things like this that I have never heard before, and I am thankful I am learning it from someone who is kind about it! I can’t believe how many trolls are out there whose main goal is to correct every error ever made online. 🙂

      So glad you found my blog and any words of advice, feel free to send my way.
      ~Jennifer

  2. Pingback: Hello from the other side… | thehamricks

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